Farts R Fun!

Fart Joke: Dog Fart - "Rover!"

Fart Joke:  A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains she has practically make her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and every so gently lets out a very dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Rover!".

The woman thought, "This is great! He thinks it's the dog!".  A big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let out a much louder and longer rrrrrip. 

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Rover!".  Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes! This is perfect!".  A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it nor did she hold back.  She ripped a fart so big and so loud that it made the windows vibrate.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Damn-it Rover get away from that woman before she shits on you!

Wet Fart Hot Sauce

Wet Fart XX Hot With Pooh - This great sauce will give you a run for the bathroom. The sauce's print ad was banned by Chile Pepper Magazine:  Get that warm, mushy, disgusting feeling in your pants, like when you let out just a little bit of gas. This cheese based sauce gives new meaning to the saying "who cut the cheese?" Ask one question - "Do you feel lucky?" when you try to sneak one out & instead you stain your pants.

Ingredients: aged Red peppers, red wine vinegar, Parmesan cheese, fresh carrots, Romano cheese, Habañero peppers, Key lime juice, Worchestershire, vegetable juice, honey, clam juice, fresh onions & garlic, and spices.

Find Wet Fart Hot Sauce and hundreds of other varieties at FireGirl.com

Fart Help: Ecaping and Preventing Farts

Fart help?  Need some info and instruction on how to escape from and prevent farts and farting?  Then we've got just the facts you're looking for.  With this information reprinted from Fart Noises.info you'll be armed with an arsenal of fart protection and helpful fart information to help yourself and help save yourself from other people's farts:

• Try walking away from the fart briskly. If it’s one of your own you’ll find that it may just follow you like a dog. Try running in circles for a few moments. After a while the fart will give up the goat and disappear into oblivion.


• If someone lets off in your proximity in an enclosed space, never be afraid to bail out. Let them know that you are not impressed before running out the room and slamming the door behind you.


• If you travel via public transport make sure you analyze the available seats wisely. You can usually tell a farter from a distance. They’ll have a screwed up face and huge warts all over their nose, particularly if they’ve been farting for over 5 years. Remember prevention is better than the cure.


• It might prove to be impossible to ever escape from a fart. In situations like this it might be best to take your own life instead of dying a slow, painful, smelly death. As a last resort, try breathing in the fart as much as possible. If it’s an evil humdinger you will begin to lose consciousness within a few minutes. The pain will all be over soon.


• If someone in your house has jolly bad wind it might be worth investing in a smellproof concrete bunker where the rest of your family can escape to in the case of an emergency.


• Know the traits of the farter. Every windperson will give off a signal before they are about to release one. In my case grin uncontrollably. If you detect the warning signal start running, very very fast. Your lungs will thank you in the long run.


• Become a recluse - live in your cellar like J.D. Salinger and you won’t come into contact with anyone elses wind. It’s a bit drastic, but then again so are a lot of farts out there.


• I’ve mentioned it before, but a gas mask is a necessary evil in these days of the wind. Carry it with you at all times. You never know when someone will drop one.


• To prevent yourself from burning holes in other peoples lungs, formulate a codeword which you’ll use exactly 1 minute before you are about to fart. That way you’ll give everyone enough time to evaculate the premises.


• Demand that your employer formulates a fart drill - so that in the event of an extremely foul one - all of your colleagues know how to escape in an orderly manner. Fart induced stress is a leading cause of death in the workplace. Don’t let your fellow workers become statistics.

Fart Shirt: I Know You Farted

Fart T-Shirt From Things You Never Knew Exsisted:

I Know You Farted T-Shirt Black I Know You Farted T-Shirt is made of 100% cotton. Imported.

For more great Fart T-Shirts see what else we have in our Fart Products section

Fart Sounds: Fart Soundboard

Fart Sounds Fart Soundboard at Soundboard.com brought to you by FartsRFun and Fartifacts.  We've put together the Fart Machine full of all of our favorite fart sounds, fart noises, fart music and more.  This will be a continually growing list so be sure and bookmark it.   Hear such favorite sounds and fart tunes such as as Pamela Anderson farts, Fat Bastard, Blazing Saddles and National Baked Bean Month.  Just follow this link or click on the image of our Fart Machine - Fart Soundboard below:  http://www.soundboard.com/sb/fartifacts.aspx

Girl Fart: Troeg's Beer Commercial

Girl fart beer commercial:  Hot chick gets into being natural in this sexy ad for Troeg's beer.

Girl fart video loading.  May take a moment to appear in the empty space below:

Farting Horse: Banned Budweiser Commercial

Horse Fart:  Banned Budweiser Commercial - Apparently this Budweiser ad of the farting horse wasn't deemed appropriate so it was pulled.  Ah c'mon!  This funny fart video is an absolute scream!

Fart video loading.  May take a moment to appear in the empty space below:

 

Fart Boxers: 50% off 5 Days Only

Fart Boxers from Big Dogs:  If you would like to pick up a pair of either one of these funny fart boxer shorts for 50% off (or anything else for that matter) just click on the banner below and enter the word "fart" in the search box.  That will pull up both of these boxers for you to get your discount.

           Fart Now Loading                   May The Farts Be With You

Fart Joke: Farting in Church

Fart Joke:  An elderly couple were attending church services. About halfway through she leans over and says, " I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"  He replies, " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Smurf Fart, Dog Fart, A Duck Fart and More!

Smurf Fart and the Modified Duck Fart are some great cocktail recipes brought to you by Drinkspub.com.  Run over and give 'em a visit and do a search for 'Fart' to find all their other fart drinks such as: Dog Fart, Taiwanese Duck Fart, Gorilla Fart (and variations), Moose Fart and Brain Fart

Smurf Fart:

1/2 oz Blue Curacao liqueur
1 oz blueberry schnapps
1 splash cream

In a shaker glass, fill with ice, add all ingredients, shake and pour into a shot glass.

Modified Duck Fart:

3/4 oz Crown Royal® Canadian whisky
3/4 oz Bailey's® Irish cream
3/4 oz Kahlua® coffee liqueur

Carefully layer each liquor in the order listed (from top to bottom) into a shot glass. Shoot.